A day....in my babygirl heart....

Daddy, will you make sure everything is okay? Will you make sure I am safe, and keep me out of harms way? Will you continue to praise your babygirl, and tell me how proud of me you are? These are the things I crave from you most. These are the things I need to make my babygirl heart feel whole; to thrive and excell in all things in life. I need your safety...

Today has been a very busy day, to say the least. This morning we spent quite a while over at the neighbor's house, basking in the warm sunlight cast down upon us, the calm breeze whisking my hair back gently...It was something I am not typically comfortable with. I tend to keep to myself more than not; keep people at a distance...This is something I am trying to get out of a little bit though...

Last night was wonderful. The conversation was intense at times, but very comforting in the same sense. You want to have a social life, together, yet you know I am more withdrawn. You are more than fine with just having me there, "looking pretty, on your arm." This is my idealistic scenario. I am oh so fond of the speak when spoken to thought. It makes a social venue easy for me...


"Well ur daddy misses u a lot today babygirl- Although I will b out for a bit u can ensure I will b home in enough time to chat with u my love- I am very proud ur coming out and doing ur due diligence for ur job interviews with ur phone calls and visiting with ur neighbor. Big smiles here.- U will be rewarded"
I love hearing that daddy is proud of me. It puts me on top of the world. My biggest wish (other than being able to be held every night and knowing you are beside me) is to make daddy proud of his babygirl. These are the moments I crave most. The whole time, when doing "important" things, I sit and think, in the back of my mind, "is daddy going to be proud of me?" or "I hope daddy is proud of me for this." I just want to hear those words that send me to such an elated place. Perhaps it sounds simple, but truely, I am the most complex form of simplicity. If you understand it, it's fairly cut and dried--otherwise, you'll never get it...if I let you in, you must be something special to me....if I let my babygirl heart show, you must be even more....

My babygirl heart is my most vulnerable place. It's not something just anyone can know; it's a place where I crumble easily. I need to be held, and coddled and kept safe...My babygirl heart is something that needs to be loved, and guided and cherished for its good and bad moments. It's the truest place of my being that one can touch. It's definitely the most vulnerable place someone can know, and that's why not just anyone knows my true essence- it is a place that only my daddy can be let into. It's where at any moment I could have evey part of my being shattered, because I have let everything go, and allowed myself to be.
I have let my walls down and begun feeling things I never thought would be possible. I have entered a world where nothing else exists- only daddy and his babygirl. It is the ultimate form of vulnerability, and this is why I live in fear. I have become what I never thought I would. I am that scared babygirl; the one that needs the affection and adoration of her daddy. The one that puts on a serious gameface and can show the world a strong person, yet only longs for the care and compassion of her daddy; that just wants to be held oh so closely, and told that nothing can touch her as long as she's wrapped in his arms. That's what this babygirl heart has let happen...and it's the ultimate vulnerabilty.

All there is left is to hope for the best, and wish that all of my idealisms will be realities.