Sometimes nights can be the hardest. Just dreaming of being in daddy's arms. Knowing that we're so far away, yet so close at the same time.
Hearing her say, "go be with your friends" and hearing the sincerity in her voice, but knowing that all I want is to be with her. That she is always number one, first and foremost to me. It feels so amazing, knowing that she wants me to still have some freedom, but at the same time, it hurts because I cannot have her at the moment. I want her to want me--I know she does, but is it not intense enough?
All I can think of is her. She told me that she would Skype with me for 5 miniutes tonight if I could promise that it would be for my eyes only, which I did with ease. Just having that 5 or so minutes with her was enough to satisfy my aching heart. It is strange to me to not have her on the phone as I go to sleep tonight. It hurts my heart so much, but I know she is trying to make sure I have what I need...what she cannot realize is that all I truely need in this life is her. It hurts me so desperately to not have her beside me. Every night when I close my eyes I am thinking of her; as I close my eyes to sleep, the intoxicating scent of her laying beside me fills my every sense. Her sweet, sleeping sounds fill my soul with happiness....it hurts, not having her there with me tonight. It's as if there's this great, empty void in me tonight...I need her so badly......daddy, where are you? I know you are sleeping, but I need you...
I need to be in your arms. I need to feel that safety that you give me. I need that happiness right now...I thought that this may happen, if I didn't have you as I fell asleep, I just did not know how intense it would be.....
To sum everything up in a sentence here, I love my daddy*R* more than anything in life can describe. More than I know how to express, although I wish I did...All I can wish for at this point, is that daddy love his babygirl in the same sense that she loves him...
One day he will read this, and hopefully it will mean what it is meant to...until then, I will leave it with the feeling I have deep within my heart, wishing I had the courage to share, yet knowing his babygirl is not strong enough to come out with her true hearts thoughts....
One day, daddy. I promise, one day I will find the strength, for your babygirl to let you know what she is thinking....until then, I love you with every piece of myself....
Je t'aime, a la lune, et au dos.......toujours.
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