your dreams
I don't really know how to begin this one....
Dreams,
There are oh so many of you that have come and gone over time, for one reason or another. My biggest dream that I have passed up was medical school. So few people know of you, dream... I was on such a tight path, throughout high school. All of the extra, advanced science courses; the 3 years of Latin, I somehow crammed into a little over 1 year...everything was set, to have you. Harvard medical school--something I dreamed of, day in and day out...We would almost be there, dream...at least, through the first part. It would have been such an honor to call myself a Nephrologist...however, that is now a distant memory. I'm sorry I gave up on you.
There was so much turmoil in my life at the time; between the estranged relationship with Mum&Dan, as well as all of the chaos choosing to try my Father's family, I couldn't do it any longer. I set you free. Not only did I let myself down in this decision, but I let the dream of fixing what we was wrong with Grams go. I had put so much of my heart and soul into you, and I couldn't do it any longer.
Perhaps one day I will reopen my book of big dreams lost in the chaos of life, with Her by my side, cheering me on; perhaps one day I will truly look into myself, seeing the last view of Grams I ever had, and reconnect on that intimate level, and persue you...but at this point in time, you are a ghost of something passed. If I believed in regretting things, I believe you would be the one thing I most regret, however I cannot bring myself to regret something, fore everything is a learning experience. Sometimes I do wish I could turn back time though, and hold you so close to my heart again...I just do not think I have it in me anymore. I feel like I have lost that little girl that had that drive...I no longer think I am smart enough, or brave enough, or strong enough to find you again....
I'm so sorry for losing you.....I miss you.
With Regrets,
Aften
Yes is a harsh reality of regrets at some point in our life. We all have many. But it is what you learn and how you take that learning experience to make it better. YOU can do whatever ever you want. You are smart,vibrant, beautiful and strong. I thank everyday for having you in my life. I know I don't always find the words but I really love you. We have discussed this...YOUR dream, which becomes mine. You can go back to school and you will. You can become anything you want and I support you 100%. I have many many regrets. But still became something because I fought hard. And I did it on my own without support. YOU have the support in me. So for all your faithful followers....I had scholorships up the ass.....and yes Harvard...Yale..Princeton to just name a few among many many others...and I BLEW it big time. I had many regrets over that. But I preserverd and still became something...and so will you. Have faith....you are strong and I will be by your side the entire ride. I love you Aften!!! We will make your dreams reality together.
ReplyDelete*smiles*
ReplyDeleteYou make me so much stronger than I could ever be on my own, and among so many things, I love You for this...