Letter to your best friend.
Dearest Rhonda,
As I begin writing, I have to say, first and foremost, you are my best friend, amongst so many other things. You and I both know that I have a very select group of friends, and certain people I do hold near and dear, but you are the person I run to with any and everything. You are such an amazing woman. I frequently wonder to myself, what I have done to deserve you being brought into my life. You make my darkest days bright again; no matter what is going on in my life, you are there for me, and you make it all copacetic for me.
When we first began talking, I was going through a very tumultuous time. I honestly do not understand why you stuck by me at that point. From all of the crazy nights that I would lock Chloe and myself in the spare room, sleeping on the baby mattress from her crib, on the floor, scared that L would come and try something crazy; to the screaming and verbal battles you would hear going on; to that night that I had to call the police... There were so many horrible things going on, that you were being dragged into, but you still stuck by me.
The worst night was the one that I thought I was going to lose you. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. All of the chaos had been going on, and I told you that you could still walk away--and you seemed as though that was what you were going to do. I felt like everything was suddenly at a standstill- and hung up the phone on you...and then began sobbing. Luckily, you called me back...and (obviously) we worked through all of the crazy...as well as came to the agreement that that would never happen again; the me hanging up on you thing, that is...
Shortly after that chaos spree, things got worse in my current situation, and somehow you helped me gain the courage to finally leave, permanently. I don't think I could have done it without you by my side. I was scared to, for so many reasons, and somehow, you made me strong enough to do it. You began filling me with your warmth and light, even then.
After that, everything with us began to smooth out. I was finally away from the chaos, and could devote my free time to you, uninteruppted, which was what I wanted so badly. We continued talking at every free moment, falling asleep at night on the phone together, talking as soon as we woke up...it was like you were with me, but not. It's funny that we grew so close, so quickly; even before we physically met.
Meeting you in person for the first time was such an emotional moment for me. I was so scared that something would go wrong, or that you wouldn't like me; and yes, we both know, I was a little apprehensive about my height complex. *smiles* But, as fate made it, everything went beautifully (outside of you breaking your finger 10min off the plane...) After being able to have you beside me, wrapped up in your arms, I couldn't imagine anything in the world more perfect.
The day you left, I felt like a piece of my heart was breaking off and walking away. Seeing you drive off to the airport that afternoon, my world began to crash. I felt like...words cannot even begin to explain how I felt that day....hysterical. When you came back through my front door, I felt like I was dreaming. I got to wrap my arms around you again. I got to feel your body against mine. I got to kiss you. It made it so much easier. When you told me you came back because you would have time, even if it was for only 10 or 15 minutes, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world; and it solidified that it wasn't just me feeling, it was you too. It made me feel less broken...
I could continue on a play by play account of so many things, but I think I've highlighted a lot here, thus far. You make me feel like I'm on top of the world; like nothing else matters. You are so much more to me than I believe you will ever know. The silly little moments we spend laughing, or playing Scrabble, or talking about the claw--hehe-- are the things I love most about you. Certain songs will play on the radio, and they bring bittersweet moments. I can see you sitting beside me singing them, wrong words and all...it makes me smile, and giggle to myself. It makes me feel so alive; it's so vivid...and then it makes me miss you even more.
I love the way you light up the room, and my life. I love the way you make me laugh at the most random things. I love how you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. I love that we can spend countless hours on the phone, yet only feel the need to fill some moments with words, yet it is never awkward or uncomfortable. It just is. It's comfort, and companionship; togetherness and closeness. I love that you are so much more than my lover, partner, future wife or daddy, but you are my best friend, too. You fill me with amazing feelings of love, joy and happiness, and I would never trade that (or you) ever, in a million years.
So, with that being said, I thank you for being in my life, and loving me, as me--nothing more, nothing less. I love you Rhonda. I love you more than you know...
~your babygirl,
Aften.
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