Day 06-- 30 Days, 30 Letters

your 8-year old self

Dearest aften,

You're so young right now; oh so impressionable. If only you knew at this point in your life, what you will in the future. You are such a bright little girl; so full of potential that one day you will let go of, without realizing you need not do so.
You are sitting in a bathtub every night, reading college level Biochemistry books right now, fully understanding them, so well beyond your years;  I wish I could tell you to never let go of that of that tenacity, and you would listen. If only I could make you privy to what I know now, and change the path of your life.

I know how easy and carefree your life may seem to you at this point, for the most part, but little girl, hold onto that ease, fore once you let it go, you will never get it back. That blissful innocence that you have is something you need, so much. Don't regret things, dear girl; please don't. I know you will, but  one day you will too, pull through. Don't try to be your Mum's greatest support system....that is not who you are made to be. I know you don't know how to be a child, but try to. Go out and play with your friends, have fun...
Hold on tightly to Grams, and appreciate every moment you have with her, but please little one, know that one day she will not be able to be all that you make her. I know your Grams is your absolute idol, as well as your biggest fan, but she's not as strong as you make her to be. Love her, cherish her, and don't be hard on her; she's not your enemy. She's your greatest supporter. Know that no one can last forever. Treasure every moment with her; make memories, and please, dear child, do not lose them, as I know you unfortunately will.

There are so many things I can only wish you were able to comprehend at this point, yet I know you cannot. Life is a intricate web spun by something greater than we can imagine. One day you will be able to leave behind the adult world you were brought into at such an early age. One day you will find someone to embrace your delicate inner babygirl. Until that day comes though, you will have to fight to be strong. There are so many things that you are going to experience over the next several years; for this, I am very sorry. If I could take it all away for you, I would; unfortunately this is not possible. You will shed many tears over the coming years. You will think you cannot go on, but dear girl, you will make it, and as I said, one day, you will find that special Someone to hold you and cherish you in the ways you should be being held and cherished right now.
One day you will be able to embrace your inner self; you will no longer be responsible for your Mum's well being, nor will you feel that you are. She will start a new family, and as much as you will want to be a part of it, and still be her caretaker, as you are now, you will not be welcomed as. Don't resent this, but rather appreciate it. You will be let free, finally. You will regain your true self, little one, in time...

If I could give you easy answer to all of the pain and heartache that will be bestowed upon you, I would; yet I cannot do this for numerous reasons. The difficult situations that you will have to endure will make you strong. You will meet people in these times that will end up being worth more than life itself to you, in the long run...Follow your heart, little one...it will lead you just where you need to be.
One day you will find yourself able to embrace your babygirl that you are not able to live with right now. One day you will have the love and adoration you only dream of right now...

Keep you head held high and you will persevere through the dark days to find your life lighted by the brightest star ever...you will know it when you find Her.
Life will become beautiful for you, for once....

With Love,
your future self...
Aften