So, today has been a very, uhm, colorful day, to say the least. After last night, I was left feeling a little distraught...a bit broken and unsure. I didn't know which way was up. I didn't understand what happened. I felt as though I had done somethng wrong, but deep doen in, ultimately, I knew I had not...The better part of me was wishing I had, because it would at least explain something. I was silently chastising myself for something I could not pointSo, today has been a very, uhm, colorful day, to say the least. After last night, I was left feeling a little distraught, to say the least. I didn't know which way was up. I didn't understand what happened last night. I felt as though I had done somethng wrong, but knew I had not...I was wishing I had, because it would at least explain something. I was silently chastising myself for something I could not point out....
A bit later, I finally talked to Her. Although it was still fairly early, it felt like I had waited forever, just to hear Her voice again...I understand that She is terribly stressed out right now; there is a lot going on, and I definitely do not fault Her for this; it's just hard-- especially not knowing or understanding what is going on.
So, moving forward, after talking to Her on messenger, I felt a little bit better...She made me feel Her presence again...I didn't feel as lost. I was a bit concerned about Her, because She did not seem to be in a good space, but I know She is strong, and I can be strong for Her as well.
Today was a day my dynamic personality had to show. Rather than being babygirl, I was more than willing and able to be the strong, kickass femme I also am. Her strong, kickass femme. I wanted to support Her in any and every way that I could. If I could take away all of the stress and worries, I would...unfortunately I am not capable of that. All I could do was speak words of comfort, and let Her know that no matter what, I am by Her side...I am always Her biggest fan, cheering Her on.
As the day progressed, She looked at a couple apartments for us...so we can all be together again-soon...the happy little family we make, so well... She was put off by the first She saw, calling me, telling me how awful it was...however, the next call I received was something totally different. She didn't have the same sullen, melancholy tone to Her voice, rather, She was radiant. She found something She really, really liked, that was perfectly reasonable...
Honestly, I was concerned about it for a couple of reasons, but as She continued to tell me about it, hearing the joy radiating from Her voice, I began to warm up. She seemed so happy that She had found it, and did not want to look any further. As apprehensive as I felt, even being in my strong, kickass femme mode, I still trust Daddy. I still trust Her judgement totally, wholeheartedly.
So, as the story goes, She signed the lease today and can move in on Tuesday! As unsure as I initially was, when I heard that She got it, all of my fears and apprehensions dissipated. Everything felt as though it got sucked into this whirlwind of surreal perfection. I don't even have the words to explain it. I felt such an extreme rush of emotion. I wanted to scream out in joy. I wanted to cry. I felt so much, it was almost a numbness...there's absolutely no way to explain the myriad of emotions that I was overcome with.
I am still in shock that this is actually real. Part of me is still expecting to wake up, and it all have been a dream...if this is a dream, it is a dream that I never want to wake up from; a dream that I expect never to wake up from. The light at the end of the tunnel is finally in sight.
Now, it is just waiting to get back up there...and once we are back, we are finally home. Chloe will have her mommy's, I will have my DaddyR, and She will have Her babygirls. *grins* both of us.I finally can see my happily ever after. My perfect little family. Our perfection...and I cannot wait to live it.
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