It hurts more and more, not being by Her side. Although we have only been apart for a little less than a week, my heart is bleeding and screaming out in agony. i feel as i am missing a life force. i feel as though a (big) piece of me is missing.
i think about this crappy situation right now and how we cannot be together at the moment. i wish with every fiber in my being that we will be together again, soon...very soon. But i am terrified that we may not be as soon as we would like....

Every morning i wake up, and for that tenth of a second where i am opening my eyes, i believe She is there. And then reality revisits. The harsh pain of reality. She is not beside me. i am not wrapped in Her arms, only Her t-shirt....there are sporadic moments throughout the day where i turn my head and expect Her to be there- yet then i remember that She isn't...it was merely a daydream i had hoped to melt into...

My heart breaks every moment of every day, knowing that i do not have Her right there. My heart breaks every time i think of being in Her arms or even just sitting in the car with Her, laughing and being silly together. My heart breaks looking at the pictures of Her and Chloe playing, or reminiscing over the fun little family adventures we have already had together. My heart breaks knowing that my ourfamily cannot be together right now...

The only thing that makes it bearable at all is the hope that we will all be together again soon. The warm, light, joy-filled memories that i have. Knowing that Chloe will have her MommyRhonda back and i will have my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, and my future wife by my side again...our perfect little family will be able to be just that...perfect.

It still hurts though.