What a night.....

i'm not exactly sure why things are turning out the way they are right now. i didn't mean to cause a bad situation...i really didn't. i just became to thoughtful, and took a bad trip down memory lane...Apparently i did what i do best- push the one person i care most about away...

i feel so down today. It's like no matter what i say, She doesn't seem to care much. i just want Her to wrap me up in Her essence and make everything okay again. i know that it's not Her fault that things are a bit queer right now, but i don't know what to do to make everything better again. i didn't mean to push Her away; that's the furthest away from the truth, but apparently that is just what i have done. 

i am so scared that i am losing Her...i don't know what is going on. She says She wants to put last night behind us and pretend it didn't happen, but that is not what it feels like. i just want to be in Her arms, so bad....

Yesterday i woke up feeling like i was in a dream; today, it was a nightmare.... The night before last She told me about my surprise--She had planned a trip to come see me next weekend. It felt as if i had dreamed the whole thing; i was the happiest babygirl in the world. On my calendar i highlighted the days in bright colored, scented highlighter....then last night, after my little funk of some sorts, She texted me and said She was cancelling the trip. i feel like my heart is breaking. All i want is to see Her again. i need to be able to curl up next to Her, in Her arms...i need to be able to feel Her against me....i need to feel safe in Daddy's arms.....

i am in such a babygirl space right now. i just need Her. That's all.........

*tears*