42?

Why does life always have to present so damn many questions that are unable to be answered?
Why is it, one moment we can be so happy, and the next it so easily slips, only to return, and go around and around in that very cycle?
Why does life always make you question if you made the right choices, and if you are making the right choices, to reassure you of that, only to pull it out of you like your breath being taken by a strong gust of wind??

Why, why, why??

..I know the answer is not 42

Tonight has been nothing other than bliss.
Sometimes we wonder what tomorrow may bring, and honestly, after last night, i was sincerely scared of that thought, yet in reality, what tonight has brought is something so great and so close, i can only wish all of you, dear readers, could ever be there as well.

Simple nights sometimes can bring the greatest pleasures. Daddy and i began by simple chit chat, and trying to remember how to play the new card game we ordered that came today, Mille Bornes. Of course this turned into us playing it...for a good 2 hours...in which i whooped Her ass, fyi....5 times!!! GOOOO MEEEE! Woohoo!!
During the game we had lovely conversation, at times, deeper than i would have ever anticipated, but still great...(what we talked about, i ought not touch upon at this point in time...a good lot of it stemmed from my being an empath...something i wish i could hide, many times...) Continuing on, after our hours of silly game play, silly conversation, as well as more serious notes, somehow i ended up bent over the kitchen counter....and oh boy, how lovely that was. my sweet Daddy takes me places i only wish i could accurately describe!! :-)

All in all, tonight has been a taste of bliss...a bliss we have always shared, yet have lost at moments. Daddy has said i am no longer to address Her as anything other than Daddy, and this is something i would have never dreamed of by Her. Yet also something i would have dreamed of Her doing...She seems to be truly embracing the inner Daddy She possesses, and this is something i have hoped and prayed for, yet honestly, never truly expected....

With this being said, i shall wrap this little blog up, and go wrap myself in my sweet Daddy's arms, and get some much needed rest....

xoxo.
~A

A Thoughtful Moment....

We all sit and wonder sometimes, what if...

what if we were left alone, to fend for ourselves in this cold, harsh world. What if we were left with every ounce of pain and lowliness we had ever felt, and had nowhere to turn with just that. These are the moments that we have nowhere to turn to. There is no place to run away from the darkness we possess at these volitle moments. This is the time when all we wish and dream and desire (for) is someone to hold us closely. These are the moments that none of us want to deal with in the moment, but we all have to accept and justify at one moment or another...these are the moments, at this one, i wish to speak of....

Some may look at my life and see it as something picturesque; as something they wish for or envy...but these are those very moments that i would try to encourage others against. These are those moments where the only true answer lies so deeps within oneself that it makes one feel if oneself is drowning....

Sometimes life presents itself in such ways that one does not know if one is drowning or if one is truly struggling to stay afloat...these are the moments where we all have to look to a higher presence, a higher being, and ask if one is worthy of the great gift that has been presented.


i have been granted the greatest gift i could have ever imagined in this glorious life. i have the person that loves me, unconditionally. i have that person that loves me whether i do right or wrong. i have that wonderful Woman that will take me in Her arms and tell me She loves me, no matter what i do; whether i do right or wrong...She still loves me.
Sometimes i wonder why She loves me to the extent that She does. Frequently i wonder when She will decide i am no longer worth it, and She can find an easier path in Her life, yet still, She sticks by my side. Thick and thin, i turn my head, and there She stands...more times than not, i wonder why, yet then i remember, although She may not always believe Herself to be a true Daddy, but She is. She is my true Daddy...

To me, my Daddy is someone who is there to support and push me no matter what. She is there, through thick and thin, to help me be a better person for not only me, but our family. For Her, me, and our family. my Daddy is someone who is always there to pull my head onto Her shoulder adn tell me it will be okay, even in times of doubt. my Daddy knows how to make it all better. She knows how to embrace and surround me in Her essence and take away all of my pain....

i am a complicated girl. i do not always know what is right and what is wrong, nor what way is up and what way is down; yet my true Daddy always knows how to push me in the right direction and show me what i should be doing at any given moment. my true Daddy knows just the right way to hold me, and to make me feel loved...my Daddy knows just what to do to make me feel oh so very very love by Her, and in these moments, that is all that matters....
to this babygirl.

little Chloe...allows me to discreetly be in babygirl mode *grins*

So, today little miss Chloe (also known as my mini, or C) got a *big* my little pony. She is so neat! The pony, Pinkie Pie, is a pony that you can do her hair and stuff. ..she came with a cutesy little comb, blowdryer, and bunches of little clippies! I saw her, fell in love with her, showed her to c, who also fell in love with her...and then we got to get her, take her back to the house, and play! Little Chloe was all about brushing her hair, as well as her (first) new baby doll's, (who she calls Bay-bay) hair, and putting clips in it...as well as her own. She was so funny, rocking out her pony's hair clippies! **Supah-fly**
It was fun, and extremely freeing today, to sit on the floor with my mini-- her plopped in my lap--and just play. I ended up putting Pinkie Pie's hair in a ponytail and 2 braids with 2 clippies...and just letting her tail be. Lol! (yes, I highjacked mini's new pony for a bit *giggles* annnnddd we put 2 clippies in Bay bay's hair *grins* ...as well as the one in my mini's hair, which she was totally rocking it out! I was in the mostest bestest babygirl space i have had in so long, for those couple hours. It felt really good, to just let go, and let my babygirl heartmshine freely..
So, we had fun today...a lot of it. I cannot believe how big she's getting!! She brushes babydolls hair? And her own?? She's learning to effectively color in coloring books, without eating the crayons....she colored with sidewalk chalk the other day!?! Oh my...she's just growing up so fast, and as much fun as it is
, its so terrifying! My mini is getting so big, so fast.... *tears...don't know if they are happy or sad ones!*

I just cannot wait to give her what she really needs and deserves...her family. Mummy, mommyRhonda, Chloe and her(my) doggie. I can't wait to take her HOME. (echoes in my head...'soon, babygirl, soon.)

So, last night i was needing cuddles...missing Daddy more than words can express, and unable to get ahold of Her, so, in a selfish moment, to pacify myself, I actually kidnapped mini out of her bed while she was sleeping, and put her in bed with me. She was so precious...her little head on my pillow with me, curled up at my side, her little arm thrown over me....it felt good...I've missed her little cuddly self in bed with me every night. I figured, one night wouldn't break her though....perhaps it was actually good for the both of us *smiles*

So there's my babble...my little baby is getting not so little!! Eeks! ...i dont know how i feel a out this

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4

I love how Daddy can make everything okay with just a few words...just a simple 'I love you babygirl' and the world seems brighter...

She makes me complete...I have found my One, and I love it...

Last night a friend of mine and I were on the phone talking about the people we are with, and how much the distance sucks. (we are both involved in LDR's) As we continued talking, I was saying how much it hurt sometimes, being apart and whatnot. She sat there and said to me, 'wow. You really are in love.' it was kind of funny how she said it though...in complete shock. We have known each other for quite sometime, and the amazement in her voice was so mind-blowing...she was very happy that I am so happy...but even more happy that I sounded so head over heels in love...

It's enlightening to hear from someone else how in love you are with someone, just by the sound in your voice when you talk about that special person...as my dear friend said, I finally found my One....

The light at the end of the tunnel

Sometimes life can be hectic- so hectic. Things get to where you don't know what is what...you cannot tell what end is up. The good news in times like these are that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don't think there will be...sometimes, you just need someone to remind you that everything will be okay.

That is exactly where I am right now. Beginning to come out of the chaotic stress, and have that glorious light shine through; that light that has been trying so hard to shine through, but at times has been dimmed by unfortunate circumstances, only to be focused in on again by the words of my Daddy. 
There have been so many days lately where everything just seems like it is too much to handle. There have been so many times where I have felt so hopeless and lost, as if nothing matters. I've felt inadequate on so many levels-- as a mother, a partner, even as Her babygirl. I have felt as though I could not pull through this chaotic mess. I have been scared of what may happen. I have been scared that She would no longer want me, because I have acted like such a little brat and tried to push Her away, without meaning to in the moment when really, all I've wanted is for Her to pull me closer. To tell me 'everything is going to be okay, babygirl....' and that is just what She has done.
She has shown me, in so many ways, just how important I am to Her. How much She loves me. How much She also desires our family....no matter how bratty I've been...

This past month has been very difficult for me. My mini and I have been in Alabama, with an ex of mine. (yes, slightly awkward for me, but that's neither here nor there at this point) Daddy has trusted me completely, which feels good, but the whole situation has been less than desirable. I have had my poor 15month old in a one bedroom apartment, on the 10th floor, in downtown Montgomery, in an icky, disgusting, dirty, apartment. It's had me stressed to the point of breaking out in head to toe hives...it's been less than ideal, by far. 
We were expecting to be here until the beginning of september, however, after a gracious offer, we will be taking the last leg of our trip before being able to settle down, in Fayetteville, North Carolina. On Tuesday afternoon, Chloe and I will be flying out of here to spend the duration of our separation from Daddy in Fayetteville, with Laura. Chloe will have the space in a house to run and play, as well as a huge backyard...and not only Laura's doggies, but our doggie, Thumper(who I cannot wait to wrap my arms around and cuddle!!) I'm really excited to be going someplace that I feel is adequate for my mini...she deserves to have so much more than she has here in this skeevy little apartment! ...and then, after the next couple weeks, she and I both will have my Rhonda(Daddy) and her MommyRhonda back....for keeps....

So, as the month winds down, it comes closer to going back to Daddy...to going home, at last. Saying 'home' feels so good. I long to be in Daddy's arms again oh so very much. The thought of being by Her side every night as I fall asleep, and every morning when I wake is the most amazing thought in the world....'soon, babygirl, soon' these words echo in my head every day...and make things better, even when it seems as though that light at the end of the tunnel is dim...somehow my wonderful, amazing Daddy always seems to point me in the way of that effervescent light again...She always has Her way with me.....(hehe...on a myriad of levels)

With that being said, I am going to wind down and curl up with Daddy's tshirt, and dream of Her....just wanted to update! I am trying to work blog time in...really!!

Xoxo.
~A

What a horrendous night this has turned into...all I want to do is to talk to Her...to hear Her voice again...to hear Her say 'sweet dreams babygirl' and that She loves me...is that so much to ask for?
After a god awful, horribly stressful day, I just want to feel Her love surrounding me...but instead I feel Her discontent with me; with my brattiness...sometimes *this* babygirl goes into a space that needs Her not to just give up on me at that moment, rather pull me closer...like She initially did tonight...before poofing away (although I do believe it was due to connectivity issues) it still hurts a lil bit....

I suppose I will go to bed and stop stressing, seeing as though that is the LAST thing I need to do, especially with these horrendous hives I am covered in, supposedly due to stress...I can wrap myself up in Her tshirt, and cry myself to sleep...just as I have done so many nights recently...

I hate this so much...3 weeks....3 long, tiresome, stressful, itchy weeks......I don't know how to soothe myself at this point....I just want OUT of this shitty place, and back into the arms of my Daddy,